Conspiracy of the decade

for entertainment only. This fake news story could not get published in The Onion so I "broke the story" here.

Reese Witherspoon is the latest conspirator identified in the plot to convince the public of a real life relationship between Twilight Saga co-stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. Witherspoon and Pattinson co-starred together in the Fox production of "Water for Elephants"

While discussing Pattinson, Witherspoon told British newspaper The Daily Mail, "I know his girlfriend (Twilight's Kristen Stewart) really well, and he's met my husband."

Did Witherspoon marry Hollywood talent agent Jim Toth this year to lend further credibility to the "perception" that Pattinson doesn't bed every female he encounters? That is one question being asked by a group of Truth seekers who seek to free Pattinson from being forced to spend time with Stewart. "it's tragic he is unable to choose who he spends his time with," says a spokeswoman for the nameless group.

Plots of this complexity have not been seen in decades. The "romance" scheme rivals the coverups of the murders of President Kennedy and his brother, Bobby. The alleged Moon landing by NASA is another example of such skilled manipulation of the public.

Summit Entertainment concocted the scheme. Their goal is to maximize profits for the remaining two movies in the Twilight Saga. It's is believed that if Pattinson and Stewart were viewed as co-stars only, Summit would barely recover it's production costs.

Summit has demonstrated it will stop at nothing to achieve this deception.
The list of the forced interactions between Pattinson & Stewart is too
long to list.

Summit has ordered Pattinson and Stewart to be in the prescense of each other for birthdays, holidays, and any of their so called "downtime." Stewart has been sent to Europe on a few occasions, including a trip to Budapest on her 20th birthday in 2010, so that Pattinson would not be viewed as "available."

The plot was escalated recently when the two stars were forced to "rescue" a shelter canine, days away from euthanasia. While Pattinson discussed the dog with the media during his movie promotion duties in Europe, Stewart was ordered to walk the dog in New York City in clear view of the paparazzi.

Summit's greatest asset in the scheme are the personalities of Stewart and Pattinson. Both refuse to discuss their personal lives and seem determined to have privacy. Unlike most celebrities, they will only discuss their work. They avoid the paparazzi with the skill of cold war era spys. Such determination to avoid attention is the obvious give away to their real intent.
"Why else would they be so determined to keep their lives private if they were not covering up a fake relationship?," says our source, who claims to represent Pattinson's "true fans." This group counters the conspirators with their own counter operations, mostly tasks designed at slandering Stewart.




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Kristen's appeal to my demographic is on the rise

Everything below is opinion.

The pictures of Kristen that have emerged over the past couple of weeks are contributing to her reaching a new stratosphere. Maybe this is an exaggeration but three of my friends (guys BTW who know nothing of Twilight) are suddenly curious. They have only seen her in Adventureland but now plan to see anything she is in, possibly even Breaking Dawn. One of these guys is a huge Jack Kerouac fan and he can't wait for On The Road.

The green bikini pics from St. Thomas have made allot of jaws drop.
I think some guys who saw her as a pretty teenager are now seeing her completely differently now that she is grown up and looking incredibly sexy.

After getting over the shock of what a rare treat it was to see Kristen in those kind of pictures over the Easter weekend, I began to feel guilt over having looked at them. Paparazzi shots aren't a copyright violation but the legality of stalking a movie set like that is probably being challenged.

I am guilty of looking at the St. Thomas pics and some of the leaked/hacked screen caps. I am apologizing right now for giving in. I feel bad for all involved. They invested over half a year into making this. These last two movies are clearly going to be much better than all the other Twilight films. I am pissed at myself for looking. To make up for that I vow to allot spend more on the movies than I would have otherwise. Besides going to the theater, ordering the DVDs, and downloading from iTunes -- I guess I'll buy extra seats.

I am convinced the leaks were not intentional, but I do think there exist a good chance more people will see movies because of the leaks. This won't erase the disappointment they must feel but it might be the silver lining.

This could be my imagination but on St. Thomas it seemed like many faces in that large crowd were on the lookout for paps. The guy was well hidden and that makes it even worse to have looked. It was a large gathering on that isolated beach. I don't know nearly enough about filmmaking to know how many people it would take to get the footage they needed that night. I have entertained the theory that executives that wouldn't normally attend might have been on hand because that was that the last footage that company would gather from Edward and Bella. The franchise will go down as something special to the many people that were involved. I kind of sensed a "we did it" vibe from the smiles Kristen gave to faces I didn't recognize.

One other point i want to touch on are Rob's recent words in which he basically confirmed Kristen as his girlfriend by what he didn't say in response to a reporters question about the secrecy of the relationship. He said his life being news/entertainment makes him feel "cheap and tacky." I like them both for having this attitude. I have blogged that their attitude towards it made it more real to me. And Rob blew the lid off PR theories. I am very glad he did that. But because of the "feeling tacky/cheap" comment, I an inclined to stop talking/blogging about "them." Kristen has been saying this for a long time, and I am such a shit for ever getting into those discussions once I knew that. I will defend her from attacks but my future post may not say anything about the relationship. My views are recorded here on this blog and those views are not changing. But I will try harder to avoid talking about it in the future. If you want to read a guy discussing the draw of R/K, you may have to dig into the archives. I am sorry, but yall know i have been torn about this for awhile. His statement is so consistent with what she has said. "It's not my job" has been quoted by both.

I like writing about this amazing babe and I should respect her (their) wishes and not add fuel to the fire.