Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Humans make mistakes. Even good ones.

Shock & Sadness are my immediate reactions.   There was brief hope this was a hoax.      She is human.  Regardless of what happens going forward, at one time these two had a very special relationship which appeared above the normal trappings of Hollywood.    We will probably never know what changed.  Not saying they are over.   I hope they aren't. I will always be a fan.   I still think she is very unique.  However, this incident does take her off the pedestal of being completely different from the rest of Hollywood.   She can learn and grow from this "common" mistake. Guys can easily fall in love with her, IMO.   Why she was vulnerable to this bloke i'll never understand.   His age isn't the issue but his wife & kids are.  I remember from Swath promo that Kristen indicated her life was too easy.  That she almost looked forward to something bad to happen to bring some conflict into that perfect life. I do feel bad for Rob and that director's wife.  But I have no hate for anyone. I've been through this from Rob's perspective & I wanted to salvage it.  But the woman I was with doesn't have near the integrity that Kristen still has (though her integrity is weakened, the heartfelt admission did show some character, IMO). If Rob and Kristen are too be salvaged, it will take sacrifices from them both on their careers.   It would take time to rebuild trust.   And being miles apart is not good if rebuilding trust is the priority.   Its probably unrealistic for them to cancel their projects and work on fixing what was broken.  Maybe they take a break and come back to each other after awhile.  I don't know.  Even if they split they will still love each other.  There are old quotes from Rob along these lines. There is no point in pretending the same relationship can exist.  Maybe something new can start, if the love is still genuine, but its up to them. Robert Ebert's tweet was about the only "comforting" item I saw.   He pointed out an article about Kristen's apology in the Atlantic,, and stated it makes him respect her more.  Damage control protocol surely would have called for something other than an immediate, heartfelt apology.  She seemed to be grieving the trust she violated. She broke his heart and her own.   Time will tell, but as of now I think Rob might get past this and choose not to give up on her.  I don't want to raise false hopes, but if you consider this happens to couples and they survive it.   Kristen didn't get to live four years in the relative obscurity of college to make mistakes.  Movie sets were her college and what his name the older professor.    What she did is done by 22 year olds with boyfriends.   Her offense is a considerable one.   But should her fame make her offense so much worse than the people who can get away with this? Clique of the moment (its fits): Time heals all wounds.


  1. tks dano. my heart is with them.

  2. Thank you for your article..None of us will ever understand but with Time will get past this and I hope that Rob can forgive her and she herself....

  3. Well said. Thank you.

  4. Thank you for your post,dano.Her statement was not standard,it was heartfelt imo.She doesn't owe an apology to anyone but the people directly involved,especially her boyfriend,and I think the statement was focused on him,as it should be.
    It was too much pressure from everywhere and for many years in my opinion.I always thought that I couldn't have coped with it now,less since being 18 yo.It's too much being always monitored, in the fishbowl,having to do everything perfectly from choosing roles,pleasing critics,making box office hits,standing all the irrational hate,having to live up to the almost superhuman image we all put on her,on her relationship,on's too much psicologically and I think things start piling up without realising it and suddenly something cracks,had to crack. The "bloke" imo was irrelevant,just maybe in the appropiate time.What we saw seemed weird and out of character and careless and fucked up because that's exactly what it was,not the norm,not who she really is and how she behaves but the fucked up version. She should have maybe tried to deal with whatever was happening before it arrived to this point,but she didn't and as you said,she is human.

    But it doesn't mean that all the years before this have dissapeared.She had and has all the qualities we have admired about her,but she also can do,as everyone,some harmful things.It doesnt mean either that they didnt have a good relationship. She was just in I guess a rough period and when you are weak you are more prone to make careless mistakes.This was a big one and she's already paying for it,as any average human,with the most important person for her being hurt and with her relationship in danger. With the added bonus of the public judgement and lynching. It's going to take a lot of time,work and courage to get through this,to fix what can be fixed but I know she can do it. Obviously Im very so sorry for him cause this is never easy and less with the public looking at every move.I hope he deals with this as best as possible.I really like him and I really like her,so of course I will be happy for them if they can get through this.In any case I will support them in their careers no matter what happens in their personal lives,that are only theirs after all.

  5. THANK YOU for posting. As I said last night on twitter, those of us that will love her no matter what need a place to voice our thoughts. Yes, I'm pissed at her, and disappointed and if she were my granddaughter, I'd be talking to her and telling her to be strong and to pray a lot. No matter how much she apologizes to Rob or what she does in an effort to "win him back" the ball will still be in his court and therefore out of her control. That's a terrible position to be in. IT TAKES TWO!!! I also really believe that they will eventually be able to patch things up. There's no doubt how much they love each other, perhaps it'll make them stronger and she can spend the next 20 years making it up to him.

    I agree on what you said about they might have to give up some career commitments in order to get themselves straight and time apart leads to distrust, etc. However, in this particular instance, they were frolicking around LA (Rob was in town) and frankly, I believe the "danger" of being caught probably only added their lustful feelings at that time.

    Thank you for being here, don't be surprised if I don't comment here a lot over the next few days. Several websites have either taken down blogs or have disabled comments which I think is a disservice to us "true" fans.

    Liz in NC

  6. I do think she is still different from most HW.I think It was and it is her downt to earth actitude and her reluctance to be a all-around pr perfect package to be sold,among other things, that put her among a few others in that world. This mistake is very common in all groups of people,not only hw,imo.So this makes her human only as you said.

  7. Dano, I have always loved your blog and your support of Kristen. This situation has affected me in the same way it has affected all of Rob and Kristen's fans.

    But after a lot of reflection, I've come to some conclusions. Kristen is fiercely intelligent and fiercely protective of her privacy and her integrity. So why did she choose to conduct this "fling" in a way that was so likely to be sniffed out by the paps?

    The level of pressure exerted on her and Rob for so long must have been like nothing we can even imagine. On one hand were the vicious haters, and on the other hand were the hoards who wanted the fairytale marriage and babies. Rob is four years older, not an insubstantial number. He has talked about how he'd like to be married and have children. He's said he'd like to be a young father. I've not heard similar thoughts from Kristen. Perhaps she was overwhelmed by the juggernaut of global obsession about them as a couple and couldn't simply say "enough."

    I feel deeply sorry for them both, but I ache for Rob.

  8. I liked your statement, however as much as I loved them together, I believe that he needs to part ways with her and let her live her life the way she's playing it out right now. I hope her career can recover just like those of Julia Roberts, Angelina Jolie even Sienna Miller, who all had affairs with married men, but have come back with strong careers & great relationships. God Bless Rob & Liberty. I hope they can find it in their hearts to forgive them.

  9. It's funny that in the past few days I have sought out my friends who I know at heart were my 'kristen people'. I was so glad to see your note this morning. But so sad that this is what brings us back together my friend =(. I think now might be the time we K fans have to form a tight quiet circle... There are so many Rob fans out there. And I am one of them too don't get me wrong. But Kristen has just been special to me. A role model for the first time in my life. I have felt broken and confused. And stupid for putting her on a pedestal made of shiny glass that had no choice but to eventually be broken.

    But in the last few hours, I have heard rumors that I don't know whether they belong to truth or to a PR machine finally at work... But I finally feel a little hope. And a little compassion.

    I do not know what could possibly have been going through her mind. Those pictures hurt. HURT. His hat in her hand while she lets someone else touch her. In THAT way. It's just painful.

    But something about looking at it all is just SO DAMN FISHY.

    It is so out of character. How could we all have been so wrong about her? About her character?

    I don't think we could. Some piece of this puzzle is missing. Something is askew and just doesn't feel right.

    I think we have to be happy in knowing this this puzzle is not ours to solve. But we have to be grown up enough to know we don't know the whole story.

    We have to trust ourselves and know that SOMETHING has happened to her... I don't know what.

    I dont know where this leads her. Two days ago I would have said she has imploded a beautiful life. Career, love, family. But I think that is too quick to judge now.

    She needs good people around her now. She needs to be pulled out of this before she spirals down further. She needs people to be patient so she can figure herself out. And try to figure out where she is with the 'most important part of her life.' She needs to be strong so she can fight her way out of this hole. And I don't think I can stomach being one more layer she has to fight up through. So I think I want to try to quiet myself. And wait and see her next move.

    Mainly now I feel so terribly sorry for her. And so so utterly heartbroken for him.

    I hope there is a way out. I desperately hope they can make it out together. I don't know. But something in my gut tells me not to hate...

    Now Rupert.... I would take him out and face punch him all day long... Clearly, I am a hypocrite. =)

  10. Pea and everyone: I know I had sorta dropped out of this fandom. I had my soccer & never really felt the need to keep up with daily news. But now I am worried about her, so I am paying attention again. I support this girl and want her to be ok.

  11. Thank you for posting. I am worried about her too.

  12. Oh man, I have hesitated to post a comment because the rumors continue to fly fast & furious. I'm disappointed in Kristen too, but her apology does show that she is willing to take full responsibility - and I will continue to support her. This breach of trust (Gossip Cop is reporting that it wasn't a sexual relationship so I won't call it cheating or infidelity) happened because she didn't think of the consequences - I know because I've been there on both sides of this situation. But life happens and she will learn from her mistakes. I know I have.

    She and Rob need time to reconcile & re-establish trust...or go their separate ways. Not easy to do since they've both been walking the tightrope of public scrutiny for 4 years now (with Kristen taking the brunt of the nastiness past & present). I do hope they are able to reconcile because I enjoy their connection so much. Which is selfish of me because my only vested interest should be a few dollars spent at the theater or DVD store. (Of course if they don't reconcile, I'll be selfishly shipping them with other mates by Oscar time. So shoot me.)

  13. No shipping Kristen with anyone (: my blog (:

    1. Dano, sorry about the shipping comment - it was really meant to point out how selfish I (we) can be as "fans". I do hope for THE BEST for them both - together or separate. Right now I am really concerned about their emotional health...even my husband knows enough about Kristen to say that he's worried about her because she is under so much pressure.

      Thank you for blogging, you obviously are a smart and sensitive person.

    2. It's ok. I wasn't mad. Just not ready to hear that. I know you meant it in good spirit.

  14. Below is a combination of my thoughts posted here and there on other sites. Very long, maybe a bit incoherent and repetitive. Please be patient with me and they are voices from the bottom of my heart.

    I am a fan of Kristen for more than 2 years. I love her as an actress and person. I feel I love her as a family of my own. I'm heartbroken hearing the news.

    I am not giving Kristen a free pass here. I assure you. However, I DO BOT believe she did that SOLELY out of heartlessness and selfishness. Some raised underlining reason like being in great pressure for so long thus drives her to do things self-destructive and out of her character. Some remind us that humans do do hurtful things to their another half they care, simply out of impulse instead of malice. Some reports suggested that the director initiated it, pursued her for months. These are possible driving forces, NOT excuses. We need not think the lowest of Kristen in every possible way. While acknowledging these potential drives do not mean Kristen has less share of her responsibility. However, these lead me to reasonable sympathy.

    Yes, Kristen and that director are caught in compromising positions. Those images are plastered in my head too, showing again and again. Nevertheless, I still think it's a flirty moment and Kristen's mind was clouded. If she was rational and able to choose whom to cheat with, the cheating could not happen at first place. Yes, it was so wrong and ugly but it does not mean there is zero possibility that it's a momentary indiscretion. You and I are not in the backseat of the car afterall. But everyone out there assumes the lowest already.

    I still see in her the qualities I love about her. Yes, she screwed up big times. Describing it as a mistake may put too lightly. Kristen's really wrong but she owns it and apologizes.
    Many of us have been fans of Rob and Kristen for so long. We love Rob and Kristen like families of our own. You would give your loved one a chance if they make a mistake, right? Every relationship has problems. But if you truly love each other, you use every ounce of your patience, tolerance and understanding and try to amend things. So I hope people give them space to work things out.

    Let me share with u my story. My dad cheated on my mom when I was a kid. I was about 10 at that time but I knew what's happening. Yes, I'm deeply hurt. So I always hate people who step in other people's marriage. With this painful grow up experience, I used to think it is black and white for issue of such kind. However, by growing older, I realize people indeed have weak moments. They cannot think straight sometimes. They make poor choices. They do things with clouded minds and hurt their loved ones out of stupidity. They are flawed human beings, like you and me. We all have our fair share of mistakes, big or small. So I tend to be compassionate and understanding, especially when the guilty party shows sincere regret. Sometimes, the guilty party is equally hurting, or not in some ways hurting even more strongly. I hope people all can see things in a more objective and clam way.

    (to be continued)

  15. (continue)

    Many people feel sorry for the wive and her kids. Well, I was practically a kid growing up in a situation like that. Yet, I still own sympathy towards Kristen. I can see her desperation and remorse. I can feel her pain. I can imagine being eaten up by guilt is a shitty and overwhelming feeling......

    Along all these years following Kristen, I really am not capable to believe Kristen is a complete cold hearted bitch. I'm sure that Kristen cares, deeply sorry, regret and hurting a lot too. Let’s think in this way. Kristen has been very protective of her privacy. However, Kristen put her private life principle aside, lays her heart out for the world to see, judge, laugh on, only to show her apology, regret and her love to Rob. Her action says a lot. The repeated "I love hims" in her statement broke my heart into thousand pieces. Yes, you can call it damage control. But I can see sincerity and desperation behind her words. Maybe some of you don't see that, but I do.

    Wrong doings cannot be undone but forgiveness can be earned. If someone should call her names, it is her families, Rob's families and their friends. If she has to beg for forgiveness on her knees and hands, it should be in front of Rob, not us, not the cameras, not the world.

    People out there is ready to skin her alive. No people should receive such level of moral condemnation IMO. That is simply brutal. Their private incident, unfortunately occur in the public eye, doesn't entitle people to be judges and death executors. Even criminals are given the chance for rehabilitation.

    We are young. We make mistakes and we screw up. We fall, we grow. Everyone could be better if given a second chance. Please don't abandon Kristen.

    Monica from Asia

  16. Hi Monica. You sent another comment. I hit the delete button by accident. But still had the email. This is what you said

    @Robin, I agree. That level of scrutiny is unimaginable and possibilly crush Kristen slowly and lead her to fuck up in some way. SO sad. :(

    Monica from Asia

  17. I can't decide if I want to start a new blog or just comment here. Before Tuesday, what I thought about was the start of Arsenal's new season in two weeks. Now that Kristen is probably feeling miserable, I am thinking about her again. So Kristen, get the help you need, so I can stop worrying about you and get back to my excitement for the new season.

  18. Hi Dan, It's now Saturday and it doesn't get any better, does it? I'm worried about both of them, but somehow more worried about Kristen. I know she has a great family and my friends but sometimes she seems a bit more independent and she might push them away - I hope they won't let that happen.

    Kristen hasn't been without a BF since 15, does she know how to be alone? We should ALL know how to be alone and be happy with ourselves. I believe that a person who can't be alone and happy cannot be happy with another person, just my opinion. As much as I'd love to see them reconcile, I don't think it would happen anytime soon. I think she NEEDS to be alone (or single) for a long time to get to know herself. Perhaps that would truly show Rob that she does love him.

    Thanks again for being here for us.